Michy’s Murphy’s Laws–Ironic Little Life Funnies

jake

We bought my big dog, Jake The Dog, a feeding trough. It’s a bench-type food bowl, made just for dogs like him, an 85 pound plus dog, so that they don’t have to bend over and put strain on the spine to eat out of a traditional food bowl. It’s supposed to be good to use it from the time they are young, so their backs stay strong and healthy as they age. He loves his trough. He goes right to it, scoops up a huge mouthful of food, walks two feet away, tosses the food on the floor, bends over and eats it, then goes back to the trough.

The quietness of the house is proportionate to the damage the teenage boy (Brat Boy) is doing and thinks he’s being sneaky about.

When the Brat Boy yells from upstairs, “I’m okay!” it usually means something else isn’t.

Hearing, “Well, the good news is…” from the Brat Boy means bad news will follow. The bad news that follows is inversely proportionate to the calmness in his voice when he tells me the good news.

 

The recentness of my cleaning the piss stain off the back of the couch where the little dog marked is in direct proportion to the likelihood that the little dog will piss on it again.

The size of the dog is inversely proportionate to the ferocity of the dog’s bite: Little dogs think they are pit bulls; big dogs whimper like babies. That said, the little dog will sink his teeth into the fur of the big dog, hang on, and get dragged around the house, while the big dog doesn’t even feel it. Ferocious.

 

 

The likelihood of your car, that has been making that weird noise for weeks, making that noise when you are at the mechanic is about as likely as winning the lottery when you haven’t purchased a ticket.

The more serious the symptoms you have when you call the doctor for an appointment, the less likely it is the doctor will be able to see you that day. By the time the doctor is able to see you, the symptoms you needed to see the doctor for have likely all gone away. Unfortunately, since it was so hard to get in to see the doctor, you can’t quite bring yourself to cancel the appointment.

The longer you wait to fill your prescription at the pharmacy (that is, when you have run out and have no pills left and need a dose the next day), the more likely it is the pharmacy will be out of the medication and won’t be able to get any in for days. However, when you have just picked up a script for the month, the pharmacy will call you and let you know that your automatic refill is ready to be picked up.

Kids say the darndest things at the darndest moments, but won’t say the one thing you want them to at the right moment. For example, Brat Boy has no problem telling the cop that you were speeding because you were in a hurry to get to a doctor’s appointment you were late for, but when you ask him to verify that you were wearing your seatbelt and only took it off when you reached in the glovebox for your insurance card, he can’t remember if you were wearing it or not. (happened a long time ago… true story…)

 

Do you have your own personal Murphy’s Laws? Share them in the comments or on your blog and let me know – link to your blog if you do your own! I’ll likely share more later.

Right now, I’m sort of up all night spinning because I’m supposed to be going to the doctor at 10am to get an echocardiogram and EKG to see if I have congestive heart failure, pulmonary hypertension, or superventricular tachycardia… I don’t want any of them, so here’s hoping it’s something simple, that the symptoms are related to a medication I’m taking, and that everything is easily fixable and I will get better and live a long and healthy life once they figure it all out.

In the meantime, I could use some calming energy and prayers to get through the night and the morning… hopefully we’ll get the results immediately. Waiting would be hard — so here’s hoping I won’t have to wait. I mean, I’ll still have the DM/PM, the PGA-II stuff, and all, but you know what… it’s very likely the symptoms I’m having now are just related to the new meds used to treat that and not to a new condition. CHF would be a death sentence, really… so we really don’t want that. I haven’t read enough about SVT, so I don’t know. Scary stuff.

I’ve always said I have a big heart… here’s hoping that it’s just an expression!

Love and stuff,
Michy

PS: Don’t forget to share your personal Murphy’s Laws!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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12 comments to Michy’s Murphy’s Laws–Ironic Little Life Funnies

  • Michael  says:

    Hahaha—nice setup on Jake the Dog, gave me a good laugh.

    Here’s some of my Murphy’s Laws:

    1) When you are looking for something & can’t find it—you won’t find it until you are looking for something else.

    2) Whatever you drop will bounce or roll to the most inaccessible place. This is proportionate to the size of the item being dropped: the smaller it is, the more inaccessible the spot it will find. All attempts to keep that from happening will simply knock it to a more distant and more inaccessible spot.

    3) No matter how long you store something, you won’t need it until you get rid of it. Then you will usually need it within the week.

    4) You will get a ticket in a place & for an infraction you never expected. But after that, you will never see a cop in that spot again. Even if you look for years. Personal theory: there is a special cop dimension they go to after you get your ticket: their job there is done.

    5) Electronic devices will choose the worst time to quit working. Your computer will crash on the most critical day and need for it. That program will hang after you inputted a huge amount of data without saving. Saw this at the vet just a couple of days ago where she input 20 minutes worth of information and lost it all. Personal theory: manufacturers insert a special panic sensor that activates a self-destruct code when it senses your greatest need. The greater the need or urgency, the bigger the delay in solving it.

    – michael

    • Michelle Devon  says:

      Ha! Those are perfect! I agree about the cop dimension. Used to work in criminal justice myself and the cops told me it’s true… they have special technology, just to get YOU! LOL

      I loved these… thanks for sharing them!

      Love and stuff,
      Michy

  • LaurieDM  says:

    1. Kids do exactly what you tell them not to do and then act surprised when the adult actually knew what he/she was talking about when the the child cuts themselves, falls or breaks something. (“Why did the kids put beans in their ears? No one can hear with beans in their ears. After awhile the reason appears. They did it ’cause we said, “No!” ” The Fantastiks)

    2. When you are trying to be helpful and cleaning the fish tank, one stupid tiny fish out of many will find a way to jump out of the little scooping net and find the only #*@*!# tiny hole at the bottom of the wall next to the fish tank to fall into that you cannot possibly retrieve it from and then it will die. About two weeks later, after you think you are safe and there is no way your accident with the fish will be found out and you are just starting to breathe thinking you are free and clear, your mom will ask, “What is that awful smell in the dining room?” Since you are not a good liar you try to look innocent and wonder yourself what the smell is but the look on your face is enough to let her know she needs to pursue the subject further.

    3. Electronic devices, games and computers were actually invented by children to keep us humble when we think we know it all as adults. They have evil streaks and like to frustrate us so we look mentally challenged next to a bunch of kids who show us how to make it work while they roll their eyes at our ineptitude. and make comments like, ” You don’t know how to do THAT?” or “Oh that is EASY. I’ll show you how.” It is actually a twisted self-confidence building exercise for them.

  • admin  says:

    Laurie, #1 is soooo true. I can’t count the number of times I’ve told Brat Boy to do this or that, and then when he does the opposite, I say, “See, if you’d just done what I told you….” Crazy kids! I guess they have to learn some things for themselves, and apparently, the hard way!

  • Beth  says:

    1) The day after you give up looking for a decent photo of yourself for a bio and just submit one in which you look a little drunk, you’ll come across the only pic of you in existence where both of your eyes are fully open and your hair isn’t doing that weird thing that it likes to do.

    2) The one time that you wait until the last minute to submit your entry to a writing contest, your power will go out and will return exactly 3 minutes after the final cut-off.

    3) After sticking to your diet and exercising religiously for two weeks without the scale moving, you say screw it and sit on the couch and eat the better part of a large pizza. When you weigh in the next morning, filled with dread, you find that you’ve lost 3 pounds.

    • Michelle Devon  says:

      Oh, oh, oh…. the last one! Oh, the last one! Been there!

  • sharkbytes  says:

    My favorite is always and forever “No good deed goes unpunished.” If i am trying to do something good or meaningful and someone is offended I will be upbraided and misinterpreted. If I am trying to be catty and pointed, no on gets it.

    • Michelle Devon  says:

      Yeah, that one always does suck, huh?

      I love when people assume my sarcasm was meant to be funny… it’s not! LOL

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