I wrote this several years ago and posted it on my Myspace blog at the time when I still had a Myspace blog. But I was going through some of my old blog posts, I found it, and wanted to share it here again, because I think this is a fun writing prompt. So read it, and then in the comments, or in your own blog and leave me a link in the comments, do the writing prompt yourself!
It’s true… this morning, when I woke, groggy, sleepy and wishing I didn’t have to get up to pee, I stumbled into my bathroom and tripped over a plastic lightsaber.
Now, most of us probably know what a lightsaber is – we’ve seen Star Wars, and all the knockoffs, right?
But where did my mind go with this?
I started thinking about, 5000 years from now, if all humans were dead, had just instantly vanished off the face of the earth, and some explorers from another planet had come along and they happened to stumble upon MY bathroom and they see toilet paper, a toilet, a tub and a shower stall, manual and electric toothbrushes, shampoo and conditioner bottles, men’s electric razors, a back scrubber….
…and a plastic lightsaber.
Going off how archeology works now on Earth while we try to reconstruct civilizations with what we find of them, I have to wonder just what the aliens from 5000 years in the future would attribute the plastic lightsaber’s bathroom function to be.
Speaking of toothbrushes, which is really was earlier briefly if you scroll up and look, I have often wondered why they are called TOOTHbrushes instead of TEETHbrushes, since we rarely if ever use them to brush just one tooth, or even really one tooth at a time.
Also speaking of teethbrushes, there’s a commercial on television (ya’ll know how I don’t watch TV but watch commercials instead by now, right?) where a woman is starting to brush her teeth and gets called away.
While she is gone, her teethbrush starts to vibrate on the counter and then it grows and morphs into a SpinBrush. She comes back from wherever she was called away and picks up the teethbrush, looks at it quizzically, turns it on, places it in her mouth, another quizzical eyebrow raise, and then she smiles and starts brushing her teeth with it.
There are so many things wrong with this commercial I don’t even know where to begin. It’s almost as bad as the Secret deoderant commercial where the girl walks around raising her hands up in the air and caressing her armpits while walking down the street as well as sniffing her own armpits.
If I were to walk out of my bathroom after having put teethpaste on my teethbrush, and then get called away and I come back to a new teethbrush that spins that I had never seen before, 1) I would think someone was playing a practical joke on me 2) when I discovered no one was, I’d probably flip out and not just look at it quizzically and shrug and 3) I damned sure wouldn’t put the thing in my mouth.
I won’t even share a teethbrush with someone I swap spit with. I mean, come on, kissing is nice, but you don’t scrape bacteria and food off teeth and tongues with your lips. You do with your teethbrush.
So in the end, I picked up the lightsaber and I tossed it into my son’s bedroom, because it truly is the most logical location for a plastic lightsaber, and then went back to crawl into bed and snuggle.
A couple of hours later I awoke from a dream that I was an employee working in an adult video store and that I was stealing money from them by hiding it under my boobs.
Man, I wish!
Wouldn’t that be the ultimate dream job: boob money stealer?
And in true Dave Barry fashion, I think Boob Money Stealer would make an excellent name for a rock band.
Today’s writing prompt assignment: look around your house and ask yourself what in your home would seem strange and be possibly unexplainable to the alien explorers 5000 years in the future.
Love and stuff,