Ways to Make Money Online (It’s not what you think!)

Everywhere I turn today people are wanting to turn a buck and are hoping to do it online. Unfortunately, most people don’t want to work in order to make that happen. Folks are thinking, “Hey, just pop up something on a blog, put a link here, sell this or that, and I’m going to be the next internet millionaire.”

Uhm, it don’t work that way, fool.

I’ve been making money working from home for about eleven or twelves years now or so… the first couple of years were lean, let me tell you. But once I learned the tricks of the trade, I now make a pretty decent income working from home and working online.

Today, I’m gonna share my secrets with you.

Ways to Make Money Online

1: Become an online prostitute

You can make a ton of money online if you use it as a means to provide sexual favors for a fee. Well, I guess if you’re charging a fee, then they aren’t ‘favors’ are they? However, word of warning, prostitution is illegal, most places… and we all know there is absolutely zero illegal activity on the internet right?

2: Become an online sex chat buddy

You can charge by the minute for this. What’s so great about this is you can set up macros to simply press one or two keys over and over while you’re giving yourself a manicure or cleaning the lint out of your belly button or something. All you really need to say is, “Oh, yes!” “Oh, baby.” “Oh, you’re so big….” “Oh, I’m so hot…”

They don’t have to know that the reason you’re hot is that you’re wearing your sweat pants while stuffing your face with chips and salsa. You know how the really hot stuff makes you sweat.

3: Put a listing for something expensive up on eBay and sell it to more than one person, receive their payment, and then list the item again. It’s okay if you don’t really own the item. They’ll send you the money anyway.

Of course, if eBay finds out, they’ll cancel your account, and criminal charges might be filed, but it won’t matter much. You see, I hear that most minimum security jails have internet and computers for the inmates, and if you get busted again, I mean, what’re they going to do? You’re already IN jail, where you get three squares per day, maid service, laundry service and internet access. I hear you can even get a college degree from inside prison, and they pay for it – no student debt!

4: Mail out emails to over 10 million people telling them that you are the minister of some country and how blessed you are to find someone on the internet that you knew the minute you saw their email address that you could trust them. It showed in their Is… I mean, eyes… I mean, yeah.

If you’re lucky, one person will actually respond, and when they do, you can clean out their bank account.

Never mind the fact that the only people who would likely fall for this scam are folks who have bank account balances that are usually in the negative numbers.

5: Porn, porn, porn

Because, let’s face it, a horny man with a credit card who can’t get a woman will pay for just about anything. You don’t really even need to have a real website here. You just need splash page with a big button that says, “Sign up for your free membership here, stud.”

When he signs up for his free trial and gives you his credit card number, you simply bill him for the full year membership, and then ignore his emails when he tries to call you and say he can’t get into the website. If he happens to email you at the bogus email you set up, and you somehow receive that email, simply respond with, “Thank you very much for replying you are valued customer. I understand you want me to charge your credit card for the amount again and will be happy to do that.”



So there you have it… five easy ways to make lots of money online.

Add to this that if you follow this advice, you’ll get to save tons of money on rent, food, utilities, clothing and personal expenses because jails pretty much provide all these things for you.

Good luck with your online money making plans….

I’ve got a few more macros to set and I’ll be good to go.

Love and stuff,


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6 comments to Ways to Make Money Online (It’s not what you think!)

  • Jesse  says:

    HA! Tell ’em.

  • Summer Foovay  says:

    ROFLMAO. So true. Only you can’t actually make a living with porn anymore either. There is so much out there for free, that you can’t get anyone to reach for their credit card with their free hand anymore. I don’t know where the whole Internet business thing is headed now, but it’s going to be interesting to watch. And after ten years – I’m no milliionaire either.

  • Folette  says:

    Hey there, nice blog, I am surprised you don’t have more comments…

  • Traci Charleston  says:

    I enjoy visiting daily to see your musings. I have your page bookmarked on my daily read list!

  • Rae Manning  says:

    Love it! Super funny and so true. I also really like the layout of your blog and the color scheme. Mine is a bit bright right now… 😉

  • Amberblue Reith  says:

    I want to learn what to do, what I need to get a sexual account started

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