(This blog post originally was published in Myspace back in 2006.)
I finally broke down and let them get me a new laptop computer over the weekend. It’s fantastic! I’m working on a product review of Windows Vista though – the working title is: Windows Vista – Microsoft’s Way of Saying, “You’re Too Stupid to Use Your Computer”.
Of course, most of my awake and free time has been spent trying to transfer everything over to the new computer, set up email accounts in Outlook, and the worst part, remembering all my logins and passwords to sites that were just ‘remembered’ on the other computer. Man, it took a lot longer than I thought!
During one television channel flipping episode, there were several things that just popped into my head, and I figured I’d bore each of you who choose for some unknown reason to read my blabbering here with these thoughts. A few of these are my mindless ramblings and some are blatantly stolen from somewhere, but don’t ask me where, ’cause I haven’t a clue.
THINGS THAT MAKE MICHY GO, “Huh?”
Okay, I suppose that if ever I were in need of a stool softener, I would appreciate this commercial more. Fortunately, I’ve not had this issue, but the tagline for this commercial cracks me up much the way dirty words crack up Beavis & Butthead:
“It doesn’t make you go; it just makes it more comfortable to go.”
I find myself wanting to ask the question, “Go where?”
(Yeah, I know what they meant, just go with me on this one, m’kay? On second thought, considering the subject, please don’t go with me. Some things I prefer to do alone, thanks.)
As many of you know, I’m on a restrictive diet. Well, that diet just got a bit more restrictive recently, and I’m going down this list of things I CAN eat, because trust me, that list is a lot shorter than the list of things I can’t.
One website I found described kale as having a “Deep, earthy taste…”
Humm, that might possibly be because it looks just like some of the weeds growing in the back yard that desperately needs mowing at my house. I’m dead serious. I was there the other day and I swear to you, I saw wild kale weeds growing!
I have to ask, who ever saw this weed and thought, “Humm, think I’ll eat this.”
Then again, mushrooms are fungus and we eat them. Well, I don’t, but you know… and don’t even get me started on raw oysters. (Disclaimer: I actually LIKE Kale… I really do.)
Is it just me, or does that word look really, well, wrong?
As you may know, I am self employed and own my own company. If I masturbate during working hours, can I sue myself for sexual harassment?
5. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
6. The Bible.
So I was just posting in a writers group where we were all talking about good books to read. One person came in the group and told us that The Bible was the greatest story ever told. So I posted a comment letting her know that I would surely want to read the greatest story ever told, so I would start reading The Bible, by God, just as soon as I could make it to Barnes & Noble next.
She came back and posted, “You’ve never read it? OMGosh, you’ll love it! Jesus is Lord!”
So I replied back to her, “Well, I don’t want to read it now since you just spoiled the ending!”
7. Have you ever wondered?
8. If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
9. If the product has a warning label that reads: Do not use if seal is broken–how are you supposed to open it and use it?
10. If you jog backward, will you gain weight?
11. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? (The first person to give me a scientific answer to this will be politely nose thumbed!)
12. Have you seen the toilet paper commercial for the softer and stronger toilet paper? You know, the one with the two bears, one red bear and one blue bear, running on a beach of something to port-a-potties.
Why when they are running does it show us their jiggly asses?
Okay, honestly, we all know what toilet paper is for and how it is used, right? And if I’m not mistaken, it’s supposed to be used AFTER you go the bathroom, not before… so why, when two bears are running to the potty, do we need to see their bare bear butts, just because it’s for toilet paper?
I mean, they wouldn’t show human butts, would they?
Shoot, from some of the commercials I’ve seen recently, maybe they would.
Perhaps I should write a How-to article, “How to use toilet paper on a bear’s butt”.
But it gets even better. Apparently, I am not the only person who has issues with this commercial. One guy on Craigslist has compared the commercial for the Charmin toilet paper, with the red bear being for STRONGER toilet paper and the blue bear being for SOFTER toilet paper and is saying the P&G, the parent company for the Charmin toilet paper, is making a political statement that republicans (red on voting maps) and democrats (blue on voting maps) are…. well, you can figure the rest. Political toilet paper. Who wold have thunk it?
13. Just one phrase: “Have a Happy Period!”
(HUGS TO ALL) Ya’ll have a great night/day/morning/afternoon/evenings – whatever time it is where and when you read this!
Love and stuff,