Daily Archives May 14, 2012

The First Time He Saw Me Cry

Once I thought tears were a weakness. Once I thought I should be ashamed of not being strong enough to control my tears. So I hid them, from everyone, and never let anyone see me cry. I had learned early on as a child that tears only made daddy angrier, made him not listen, and sometimes made him hit.

The same thing happened in my first relationship, too, at least, my first grown up relationship. He would be ugly, angry, and sometimes even vulgar, but when I cried, he’d only get worse.

Tears only made men angry, made them violent, made them shut down and not listen. They said tears were emotional blackmail, instead of simply being true expressions of pain, hurt, sadness.

So I learned early on to hide the tears as much as possible. I hated it when I cried, feeling foolish, weak.

But o...

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