Fickle Mistress

Over the years, I’ve met many, many people on the internet. I used to date through a local online dating/personals type place (NEVER again, and as I type, I can see the Doc’s head nodding in agreement, figuratively, of course). At that point in time, though, I had 19 dates in 21 days.

It was really quite comical. My own personal variation on speed dating I guess. The funniest part of it was that I wore the same dress about 17 of those times, because I really looked good in it, and it’s not like they knew I’d worn it before.

But, if you want a laugh, each time and went to the same restaurant all but two of those dates.  And the funniest part is, I didn’t pick the restaurant–they did!

Of course, at the time, I lived in a small town and there was only one real ‘fancy’ restaurant here, and I guess they were all trying to impress me. For those of you who knew the area or know me from the area, it was Harrigan’s, in  case you were wondering. The two who didn’t take me to Harrigan’s, one took me to IHOP at 2am (’cause nothing else was open) and the other took me to Red Lobster. I liked the IHOP guy. He was one that got a kiss, but that was the end of it for him, I’m afraid. Coffee was good, though.

I would have been impressed by some originality… what happened to a ball game, a picnic at the duck pond, bowling even! Something, anything! Hell, take me roller skating. Okay, not so much now, but I was better looking and healthier back then–I would have skated. I know I would have! A park? something, anything other than a fancy restaurant fall back. Be creative, guys!

Of course, the hostess at that restaurant must have been thinking I was some kind of high class prostitute or something. Gotta give her props for being professional and not saying anything in front of me or the guys.

No, I didn’t sleep with any of them.  Sheesh, don’t you know me better by now?

Or maybe you do and that’s why…

Uhmm, never mind…digressing.

Like that’s anything new. Like anyone really ever sleeps in bed anyway.

I kissed a couple of them, mostly I didn’t even bother. Not that I’m judgmental, but I can usually tell within a few minutes of meeting someone if a spark is there or not. If it’s not there, it’s just not going to be there, period.

One of the guys and I started dating, but then he got a job transfer to another city, about 9 hours away. We’d not known each other long enough to consider moving, and long distance wasn’t going to work. El Paso was NOT anywhere I wanted to be, ever.

Another guy and I started dating for a while after this speed dating thing, until he was killed. Seriously. He worked for the railroad as an engineer. We’d gone out a few times, and then I hadn’t heard back from him. Waited a bit, then called him up one day and his sister informed me he was killed on a job. They had a derailing of a train and he was on site and they were using a hydraulic jack thing, with this handle on it, and the tech guy pulled the pin thingy, ’caused the jack handle to pop up, got the guy right under the chin, killed him instantly they said. Read about it in the paper a couple of days later. So sad.

I met this one guy on the internet several years ago, and spent a couple of fun weekends with him, until I discovered he had a wife… not good. A quick email to her and that ended the fun… much, much more for him than for me, I’m sure.

Lived for a year with someone I met on the internet once… you know how they say you can’t really REALLY know a person until you spend some time with them? This is true. Don’t so much regret this one as much as I wish things had happened differently. If I had to do it over again, nope, wouldn’t do it.

Yet, I’ve made some really good ‘friends’ on the internet, people I’ve come to depend upon, people I enjoy their company or the way their mind works. People who care. People I care about.

Would we be friends if we had met in person?

I don’t know, and perhaps I don’t care all that much myself. What really matters to me is that we are friends here online. But then, online, people tend to disappear.  As though they never existed as a part of your life.  And though it hurts to lose someone, even online, somehow it’s easier to take the loss of an online friend than it is to lose the presence of someone you spend face-to-face time with.

A ‘friend’ of mine online has just said he’s leaving ‘online’ at least in the venue I knew him in. I hardly knew him, but I do find I’m going to miss him.

I’ve had people in my forum who just stop posting one day. Sometimes the presence missing is felt, sometimes they just fade away. I wonder sometimes if I’m the only one who ponders, “Where did they go? I hope they are well…” and then wonders about their story.

Maybe that’s the writer in me, always looking for the story.

I remember when one lady who had been battling a terminal illness finally died. She was on Yahoo! 360. We mourned for her loss. It was definitely felt by many.

Then you have to wonder sometimes what is real on the internet, and what would prompt a person to just disappear. I don’t mean, like my friend, who said he was leaving and I’m sure he has personal reason for it too, but more when one day someone just up and disappears, profile gone, emails bounce.

Can you believe anything with that person was ever real?

Did they die?

What happened?

Just some rambling thoughts. Tell me your take?

Have you ever ‘lost’ an online friend? Have you ever done the ‘internet dating’ stuff?

Love and stuff,


PS: Speaking if fickle and mistresses, have you read THREE: Monogamy Multiplied yet? You really should. It’s an awesome erotic novella. Enjoy it!

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7 comments to Fickle Mistress

  • Christie Silvers  says:

    Great post, Michy.

    I’ve never done the online dating thing (got married at 17, almost 18 yrs ago), but I have lost several online friends over the years. I had gotten so close to one particular online friend that we would talk on the phone regularly and wouldn’t even start our days without at least a half hour chat online each morning. Then one day she just up and disappeared. She didn’t answer her emails and her phone was disconnected. Luckily, I’d also friended another person from her hometown and he was able to tell me that she was at least still alive.

    All in all, it ended with me FINALLY getting back in touch with her and finding out she’d had a lot of financial and personal issues. She’d lost everything in a short amount of time.

    Anyway, she and I are back in touch with each other. We speak regularly and talk on the phone from time to time, but I doubt we’ll ever be as close as we were before. 🙁

  • Derek Odom  says:

    I very often wonder similar things. Like, if someone that I only know from the ‘net died, would some family member find a way to announce it to their contacts? Would yeas go by and I’d just never know if they hated me or got hit by a garbage truck? Did they just get a controlling spouse and become a servant?

    One never knows on this thing we call the Internet. The problem with that is, it’s such a huge part of so many of our lives. Sometimes, I feel I’ve more loyal ‘net friends than real life ones. I can’t decide if that’s sad or if that’s just the natural progression of things.

    As for the speed dating thing, it isn’t for me. I’d never try it. I’d rather wait years for that chance meeting than try to force it, but that’s just me. 🙂

  • Buffy  says:

    I met my best friend, by chance, on the ‘net. Go figure! But I’ve also met people on the net who ‘disappeared’ – but then, they disappeared IRL, as well – that was just who they were, the disappearing sorts, off the grid. Some people seem to value anonymity more than they value security… or maybe anonymity *is* security for them. And those sorts of people should perhaps inspire writers. So many tales to tell, someday… so many fictions to weave from the realities of others…

  • Rissa Watkins  says:

    I married someone I met online and, well, 10 years later- yeah, you know that story. LOL

    I have had online and in real life friends disappear. I was starting to think it was just me- maybe there was something wrong with me.

    but then I heard from other people who go through the same things. Some people are meant to just pass through your life and some not.

    The people I am closest to now are mostly people I have never met in person- but I love dearly. Like you Red.

  • Lyn Lomasi  says:

    I haven’t done the online dating sites and probably never will.

    But I have had online friends disappear. Some I still don’t know what happened to, some I eventually reconnected with, and sadly some passed away.

    I am honestly closer to many of my ‘online’ friends than some of my ‘irl’ ones. To me, a friend is a friend whether I communicate with them online or off.

  • Terrie  says:

    I’ve had one online friend disappear, and I was quite sad because I really liked her a lot. She said she was quitting Facebook and was going to switch to Google plus. I actually joined G+ to keep in touch with her, but I couldn’t find her on there.

    I have another online friend that I had been communicating with regularly via email, but I haven’t heard from her since July. I’m getting very concerned.

    I have disappeared off of a number of forums. It wasn’t intentional, and I didn’t make some kind of announcement that I’m leaving, I just gradually stopped. There’s so much online, and I like to check out new things, so I tend to drop the older things. If I spent time on every site I’d be sitting here all day and never get anything else done. Oh, wait…

  • Michelle Garrido Ryan  says:

    Hey Michy! Love your posts … and as they often do, they make me think … and this one made me want to post something.

    I’ve never dated anyone I’ve met online … I was a married woman by the time THAT phenomenon came to be, I think … but I relate to the online relationships that have comforted me as I deal with my life as a disabled, non-working adult these days …

    Like you, I am sure, I still have many friends from our Yahoo! 360 days, and have picked up many more as I am now on Facebook, with my crazy awake/sleep pattern that has arisen now that I deal with pain management. My rag-tag buddies keep me company as I play games to distract me from the pain … when I can’t focus on writing anything … and when I need to feel as if I have some sort of contact from the outside world as I can no longer drive and am in the house most of the time. The online world, sometimes is my life-line …

    Yes, I use the Internet to keep me connected with family & friends all over the globe, as I am a “Military BRAT” with everyone ALL over … but, mostly, the people I am in contact with are “stranger-friends” who, have, especially within the last month (I lost my much loved mother-in-law on Thanksgiving night), have comforted me in times of great sadness, celebrated with me in times of great joy, posted jokes to make me smile … and basically, just made each day a little easier to bear.

    It does make me sad when we lose those who have passed times with us … I recall, within the “game community” that there have been suicides this past year that have just hurt more than I can explain … especially since I really never met them … and wondering if there was something that could have been said or done to prevent it on all of our ends … there are several that are ill that we continually send love & prayers too … like a global supportive community … I love it … I’d miss it if it were to shut down.

    (When I say “Game Community”, I refer to a group of mainly middle-aged women who play an enjoyable egg collecting game called “Hatchlings”, that is quite popular globally … plus a few other mindless, distracting games I play.)

    For me, I have found that it is a window into life that I have lost, in a way … and another type of mutual support. I find strength from some of my friends that I’ve never actually met online … and I’d really miss them if they were gone.

    Just my thoughts …. Peace!

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