Look, we need to talk. I took in what happened the other day, when you looked in the mirror and said you hated yourself. Maybe you were only talking about the way you looked, I don’t know, but it sure felt a lot deeper than that when I heard it, the way I heard it. You really have to be careful with your words; they have power and energy and a vibrational resonance that you react to whether you realize that or not. It’s proven science, you know, so even when you say things like you’re joking, you know the words can still do damage.
I wouldn’t let someone else talk to you the way you talk to yourself. Why do you think I should let you get away with what I wouldn’t let someone else get away with?
So from this point forward, you are not allowed to call yourself ugly, stupid, or fat. You are not allowed in my presence to say that you’re unworthy, dumb, old or unlovable. If I won’t allow a stranger to say that to you, then you don’t get to say it to yourself either.
Because the truth is, you know it’s not true. You understand this at some deep level, I know, that we are all beautiful in our own way.
Yes, I know it’s hard right now. Yes, I know you’ve been through hell and that you’re tired, completely exhausted, worn out. I know your reserves have been tested. I get it; I do. I’m telling you right now, I’m here for you, completely, 100%, and I will not give up. I will not let you give up. But I won’t stand around while you call yourself names, put yourself down, degrade yourself and destroy what little bit of sanity you might think you have left.
You are sick. You are struggling. It’s been hard, damned hard, but you are a survivor, a fighter and you are stronger than even you realize. I know you miss your long, beautiful, flowing hair — I know the thin, wispy strands that are dry and brittle and the lumps of it that fall out in your hands when you shower or brush your hair leave you in tears. I know when you look in the mirror, you think you’ve lost the only thing left that made you worth looking at. I know the dry skin makes you feel like you’re a reptile and that no one could possibly want to touch you, ever, for any reason, because of it. I know you see the fluid under the skin and wish you could just pop yourself like a water balloon and drain it all away. I know you feel fat and ugly. I’ve seen how you look at yourself in the mirror, the disgusted sounds you make when you try to get dressed to go out. I’ve watched you ridicule and taunt yourself over things that no one probably notices but you.
Sure, maybe you don’t look like you once did, but not many people do, and you have people who love you and think you’re beautiful regardless of all those things. So really, you just need to get over it.
But the main reason I’m writing this to you today is because, I know you’ve wanted to give up recently. That last little setback, that was hard. When the doctors aren’t saying what you want to hear, when the insurance isn’t paying what it should, when the people on the phone make you feel like grinding your teeth into their necks… or when you sit and wonder if you need to go to the ER or not, and all you can do is cry, because you’re thinking about all the needle pokes, how hard it is to start an IV, how many tests they are going to do, and God forbid, what if they find something serious that leads to more tests, more procedures and more of what you’ve already endured…
I get it. You’re scared.
And I know what your faith and beliefs are about life and death, so I know you’re not afraid of being dead. It’s just the dying itself that scares the crap out of you.
I know all of this.
And I’m asking you, begging you, pleading with you, please, please don’t give up. Not now, not yet.
Because, you are beautiful, and you will be beautiful always… to someone, even if you can’t be for yourself or to yourself. Because temporary problems shouldn’t result in permanent solutions–and I know you’re not suicidal, but sometimes inaction is as dangerous as if you pulled that trigger directly–and because there’s so much you would miss… and so much that would miss you.
You can’t give up, because somewhere deep down inside of you, I don’t want you to. And since I am you, I guess that really means something.
So yeah, it’s tough, and yeah, you’ve changed, but you are in all the ways that matter… still the same, still you. Don’t let yourself be fooled by what you think others think or see. Open your eyes, see what they see for yourself.
And keep going… remembering always, it’s a life-long journey and experience, not a ride to an ultimate destination with pitstops. The journey is all that matters, because we all end up in the same place; the only differences are how we arrive and what path we took to get there.
Your path isn’t over yet… and if you lift your head up and look, the scenery might just change for you. But if you keep hanging your head and looking at your swollen feet, you won’t even see it when it does change.
And it would be a shame to miss it all…
Be kind to yourself.
Love you. No one else can unless and until you do.
Love and stuff,
Me
Once I thought tears were a weakness. Once I thought I should be ashamed of not being strong enough to control my tears. So I hid them, from everyone, and never let anyone see me cry. I had learned early on as a child that tears only made daddy angrier, made him not listen, and sometimes made him hit.
The same thing happened in my first relationship, too, at least, my first grown up relationship. He would be ugly, angry, and sometimes even vulgar, but when I cried, he’d only get worse.
Tears only made men angry, made them violent, made them shut down and not listen. They said tears were emotional blackmail, instead of simply being true expressions of pain, hurt, sadness.
So I learned early on to hide the tears as much as possible. I hated it when I cried, feeling foolish, weak. Read the rest of this entry »
(Here’s a story I wrote based on something that my son really did back in about 2006. I wrote it back then, but I’m not sure much has changed since then…lol Enjoy. Don’t laugh too hard at his expense!)
The grocery store had a good sale on some of those pre-prepared casserole dishes, like lasagna, and Mexican chicken casserole, and those types of things. They were three for 10 bucks. Really, you can’t beat that for a night when you don’t feel like cooking but still want something better than fast food. Plus, I figured it would be easy for the kiddo to make himself.
What was I thinking?
I mean, how many blogs have I posted about the brat boy nearly burning the kitchen down? Still, he’s almost fourteen (he’s seventeen now, almost eighteen!) and should be able to cook some things for himself, right? Plus, those pre-packaged meals have very easy to read and clear instructions on them, don’t they?
Don’t they? Read the rest of this entry »
I was having one of my infamous talks with Ryan, you know, the types of talks where we speculate and extrapolate on just about anything and everything, stay up late and solve all the problems of the known universe, then go to sleep and wake up the next morning and totally forget all the solutions. In this conversation, we talked about the universe. I personally think the universe is a living, breathing entity. It expands and collapses (breathing) and it grows and changes, in consumes and purges. We are but parasites to the host which is the universe, and much like our own bodies have parasites that we are host to, sometimes these parasites are good and sometimes they are bad.
Sometimes the parasites are the very thing that keeps our bodies alive. Other times we take meds to wipe some parasites out completely.
Is the universe as a whole really that different to us?
I do think that humankind is a bit egotistical to think we are the biggest, highest, top of the chain beings… of course, not all humans think this, but I bet it would be a safe bet to say that the human race as a whole has a bit of a superiority complex when it comes to ‘life’ in general. Read the rest of this entry »
Today, Michy would like to instruct you on how to help your teen child prepare a snack for himself. We’ll take you step by step through the process, and if you skip any steps, it’s okay to come back to them and use them, or even use some of the steps more than once.
Step 1
Listen to the boy whine for at least 40 minutes about how hungry he is, while you tell him repeatedly that there is food in the kitchen if he’s hungry.
Step 2
Remind teenaged boy that you bought Easy Mac for him in the cabinet for moments just like this, when he was hungry but it wasn’t dinnertime. Read the rest of this entry »
Forgiveness
The first thing I want to point out is what is, to me, the most important part about forgiveness: Forgiveness is not a gift you give to another, but rather something you do inside of yourself, for yourself.
The other person need never know. You can choose to extend forgiveness to the other person, if that is your choice, but it is not necessary to forgive inside of yourself and heal the pain you carry for a wrong another has done to you or that has affected you.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation nor does it mean you have to allow a behavior that can hurt you to continue to hurt you. Forgiveness is, in essence, the acknowledgment inside of yourself that the person who has wronged you in some way is a fallible human being, and that, like any human being, they made a mistake worthy of your forgiveness. Read the rest of this entry »
Okay, so the title isn’t exactly true. Bear with me… or, if you prefer, bare with me. I don’t mind a little nudity now and then. Just keep the arse off the leather, man. Off the leather. (inside joke)
I DO NOT edit my blog posts as much as I should, usually in too big of a hurry to get the information out, so yes, sometimes I make mistakes. We all do.
I say this, because if I didn’t say it, sometimes some wise ass will come along and tell me where I dropped a comma or used too many periods in my ellipses, and of course, they always spell it ellipsis. When they insult my writing and editing, they should at least take the time to use the proper words. Plus, they aren’t periods unless they are being used as periods: like, you know, at the end of a sentence and such. Otherwise, they are just dots. Unless you accidentally killed a fly on your screen, then they are probably fly guts, and if you’ll get a sponge, they’ll likely come off. Read the rest of this entry »
Today’s it’s time for an installment of an old column I used to write from a few years back that I’ve decided to start up again. If you like this, click over in the categories for the category entitled: DOTS & DASHES, and you can see all of the Q&A stuff without having to sort through my personal blog posts (this is the only one as of 5/5, but give me time, and there’ll be more!)
Today, we tackle in DOTS & DASHES some of the most frequently asked questions by freelance writers, particularly those who are learning to write for web content versus print, and some of their questions as new freelance writers. We hope these Q&As will be most helpful, and I present them here for your edification (no, Gregg, that doesn’t mean you get to eat something).
DOTS & DASHES: QUEUE & AYE
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QUEUE: Michy, I’ve been trying to figure out what SEO and keywords and density are for my web content writing. I’ve also written in print, so this web writing is alien to me. Any advice is welcome.
Michy’s Response: SEO is a nifty acronym that means Space Alien Offworld. Yes, I know that Alien doesn’t start with an E, but they aren’t from our world, so they don’t speak English.
Keywords are those funky words you say when you’re drunk at 3am and can’t get your key to fit in the lock on your doorknob. Keyword Density means that the higher the density of alcohol is in your bloodstream, the more keywords you will use.
As for advice, the best advice I can give you is, wash in warm, rinse in cold.
QUEUE: The magazine you posted in your paying writing jobs forum says they only accept queries. What is a query?
Michy’s Answer: According to Dictionary.com, query is defined to mean: –noun
1. a question; an inquiry.
2. mental reservation; doubt.So, depending on which definition you’d like to use, as both are accurate, when you send a query to a publisher, you should either 1) ask questions or 2) express doubt.
Personally, I recommend you do both, just in case.
Some questions I suggest for 1) How much are you going to pay me? It doesn’t have to be too long, does it? Does grammar matter?
For 2) express doubt clearly by letting them know “I’m really not that good of a writer, I’m just getting started freelancing, but I’m willing to give it a shot, I guess.”
QUEUE: How do I prevent carpet stains in my home?
Michy’s Answer: While I’m not sure what this has to do with writing, I’ll answer it anyway. Remove all carpet from your home and replace with hardwood floors. Can’t stain what’s not there.
QUEUE: Hey, Michy, I read a blog post the other day that said real writers don’t use semicolons. Is this true?
Michy’s Answer: Of course that’s not true. I don’t know who could have possibly told you that, but they were totally off base. In fact; you should intersperse semicolons at will; because the fact you can find the semicolon key on your keyboard; is a huge selling point; to editors.
QUEUE: Michy, someone told me that editors are only writers who could never get published, so they take it out on other writers who have gotten published, and that’s why they are so mean and hard on other people’s writing. Is this true?
Michy the Editor’s Answer: Hell no! How insulting to me and my entire profession! Don’t EVER send me a question like that again!
Michy the Writer’s Answer: Uhm, yeah, that sounds about right to me. Editor’s suck, don’t they?
QUEUE: I truly believe that I am the next Harry Potter. How do I get a publisher to look at my work?
Michy’s Answer: Harry Potter is a fictional character, much like any publisher who would look at your work with that ego.
QUEUE: My husband suffers from erectile dysfunction, and it’s really stifling my ability to write. What should I do?
Michy’s Answer: You know, one thing I can honestly say is that I’ve never written with my husband’s penis, so I really don’t know how to answer that question.
QUEUE: Will there be future installments of DOTS & DASHES?
Michy’s Answer: Yup. Just subscribe to the blog through the RSS feed, through the subscription button over there on the left or right or somewhere, and/or through Networked Blogs on Facebook, and you’ll get a notice when it shows up. You can even subscribe to just the DOTS & DASHES category, and skip all the rest, if you know how to do that.
Love and stuff,
Michy
“If it’s not useful or beautiful, get rid of it!”
I once took a class about personal empowerment and that is the phrase we were told. We were informed to look around our homes and to clean up the clutter. We were told, “If it’s not useful or beautiful, get rid of it!”
I decided that’s not a bad way to live your life all the way around, and I’m not meaning about just ‘things’ either.
Take your thoughts and your self-talk. Think about how much happier would we all be if the only thoughts we had and the only feelings we allowed into our experience were those thoughts and feelings that were either ‘useful or beautiful.’
Now, we all have memories—some good, some bad, based on our perceptions of the memories. We can all agree that some things we once thought were bad really were important or ‘useful’ to us in the long run. Sometimes these seemingly negative things in our lives are things we can learn from, grow from, and let them change us or our lives in positive ways.
I read something recently that said, “Suffering is just the mind and body’s way of showing you an error in thinking.” Read the rest of this entry »
“I trust you.” I never knew how important those three words were.
…I trust you.
More important than saying I love you is knowing that in a relationship there is trust.
The only thing missing from some of my past relationships was that one crucial ingredient.
Trust. Read the rest of this entry »
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